Smiling for the world
is hurt I can stand
no more.
Sick of the hidden truth,
the rivers of guilt that flow.
Always a deep undercurrent
of resentment.
No more.
Snarling darkness held still
by bonds of inadequacy.
Always the inferiority,
words like darts, piercing,
no more.
Call it evil, if you will,
I care not for names.
Rising above the clacking
of tongues magnified a thousandfold,
I hold myself in
no more.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Writing at 2 am
Consequences are a must. Without consequences we would never know why we do what we do, or do what we don't or don't do what we should. The most important thing (or is it a phenomenon?) that keeps you and me and that fella over there from roaming around aimlessly with blank faces is...consequence. So that's settled then.
Some things have hidden consequences, they jump out at you at unexpected moments and give you one heck of a crick in the neck from trying to turn it so fast. If they came slower then they'd sneak up on you anyway but you could probably avoid the crick. One category of consequences that does almost always give you a crick in the neck is the consequences of allowing some person the privilege of being a part of your life. Of course, they may not see it as a privilege, neither may you for that matter, but that really isn't something to be quibbling over at this time and I would thank you not to waste valuable time (yours and, much more important perhaps, mine) by bringing it up at all. Yes, I brought it up, but only to make sure you wouldn't. Moving on.
When you let a person into your life in any category, or classification or whatever way of segregation you may lean towards making, the immediate consequence of this action is the building up (like rot in the woodwork) of expectation. Expectations of various degrees and levels come up as time passes and finally, given the relationship lasts that long, they all stand together like a gigantic edifice in which the souls involved in building it themselves fear to tread. Further consequence, the expector (being a a word invented to encompass the one who expects) is then constantly critically evaluating the expectee (being a word invented to encompass the one of whom it is expected) in all his/her actions. Both the people in any kind of relationship are, of course, both expector and expectee, save those rare gifted individuals who are neither.
All goes well if the circle of cause and consequence stops here. At this point it is interesting to comment that each cause truly being the consequence of another cause which in itself was a consequence in the first place, what we really have is a little Rattus norvegicus of consequences chasing its own consequency tail.
If the circle of consequence and consequence (this having been firmly established in the previous sentence, read it again if you must) does not stop there, the rapport between the two persons involved is likely to degenerate into a sort of lurking injured demeanor which is to the disadvantage of both. In other words, the Rattus norvegicus is now prone to aggressively biting its tail (harder each time). This sounds pretty bad but it can get worse if one, or both, members of the bond insist on piling on more expectations, requests, pleas and dependencies. At this stage one could say that our R.norvegicus is now being diagnosed as rabid and is soon to suffer a painful slow death or, alternatively, be quickly relieved of life by dint of a broken neck. Sad indeed.
If you're thinking that expectations mean only what you expect the party of the second part to do for you then you are sadly mistaken. They also include (but are not limited to) what you expect your place to be in the part of the second part's life and what you expect to have expected of you. As meaningless as that last part seems, think about it, it's really the part which most often causes trouble. Oh yes.
Now we come to the nub, as it were, of the matter, where we give solutions to the existential problems so far discussed. Pearls of wisdom, children, so listen carefully.
Firstly, the key to healthy personal relationships is to have both sides furnishing that towering castle of expectations at regular intervals, with fixed amounts, and with neither party ever exceeding the amount being furnished by the other. How this is to be managed, as many of you are no doubt clamouring to know, is not within the purview of this particular pearl of wisdom. Figure it out yourself.
Secondly, the key to keeping your Rattus norvegicus healthy and rabies-free is to give it regular immunization shots and keep it away from those vicious sewer rats. I'm not saying they all have rabies, but it's better to be on the safe side.
Lastly, the key to an consequence-free existence is, clearly, to not exist in the first place.
Some things have hidden consequences, they jump out at you at unexpected moments and give you one heck of a crick in the neck from trying to turn it so fast. If they came slower then they'd sneak up on you anyway but you could probably avoid the crick. One category of consequences that does almost always give you a crick in the neck is the consequences of allowing some person the privilege of being a part of your life. Of course, they may not see it as a privilege, neither may you for that matter, but that really isn't something to be quibbling over at this time and I would thank you not to waste valuable time (yours and, much more important perhaps, mine) by bringing it up at all. Yes, I brought it up, but only to make sure you wouldn't. Moving on.
When you let a person into your life in any category, or classification or whatever way of segregation you may lean towards making, the immediate consequence of this action is the building up (like rot in the woodwork) of expectation. Expectations of various degrees and levels come up as time passes and finally, given the relationship lasts that long, they all stand together like a gigantic edifice in which the souls involved in building it themselves fear to tread. Further consequence, the expector (being a a word invented to encompass the one who expects) is then constantly critically evaluating the expectee (being a word invented to encompass the one of whom it is expected) in all his/her actions. Both the people in any kind of relationship are, of course, both expector and expectee, save those rare gifted individuals who are neither.
All goes well if the circle of cause and consequence stops here. At this point it is interesting to comment that each cause truly being the consequence of another cause which in itself was a consequence in the first place, what we really have is a little Rattus norvegicus of consequences chasing its own consequency tail.
If the circle of consequence and consequence (this having been firmly established in the previous sentence, read it again if you must) does not stop there, the rapport between the two persons involved is likely to degenerate into a sort of lurking injured demeanor which is to the disadvantage of both. In other words, the Rattus norvegicus is now prone to aggressively biting its tail (harder each time). This sounds pretty bad but it can get worse if one, or both, members of the bond insist on piling on more expectations, requests, pleas and dependencies. At this stage one could say that our R.norvegicus is now being diagnosed as rabid and is soon to suffer a painful slow death or, alternatively, be quickly relieved of life by dint of a broken neck. Sad indeed.
If you're thinking that expectations mean only what you expect the party of the second part to do for you then you are sadly mistaken. They also include (but are not limited to) what you expect your place to be in the part of the second part's life and what you expect to have expected of you. As meaningless as that last part seems, think about it, it's really the part which most often causes trouble. Oh yes.
Now we come to the nub, as it were, of the matter, where we give solutions to the existential problems so far discussed. Pearls of wisdom, children, so listen carefully.
Firstly, the key to healthy personal relationships is to have both sides furnishing that towering castle of expectations at regular intervals, with fixed amounts, and with neither party ever exceeding the amount being furnished by the other. How this is to be managed, as many of you are no doubt clamouring to know, is not within the purview of this particular pearl of wisdom. Figure it out yourself.
Secondly, the key to keeping your Rattus norvegicus healthy and rabies-free is to give it regular immunization shots and keep it away from those vicious sewer rats. I'm not saying they all have rabies, but it's better to be on the safe side.
Lastly, the key to an consequence-free existence is, clearly, to not exist in the first place.
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