Expecto inopinatum

I can hear you, you know, out there
loud and clear
You thought you were cat-like
Clearly not, my dear.
Silence is not your forte, now I know.
Unfortunate that is
In you line of, ahem, work, that is
quite a wide miss.
How do you keep this job, dear man,
if you thunder so?
Surely surprise be more appropriate
than to have your 'clients' know!
Closer and closer approaching.
I could tell how far,
if I listened real careful, ear to door,
you unlucky un-star!
Unlucky, why? well you may ask
and soon find out
This 'client' is well prepared for visits.
Better than you, no doubt.
Ah, so you're capable of silence
it's a relief indeed.
Dealing with total incompetence,
hardly a noble deed.
Is that you picking the lock, good sir,
or sounding the alarm?
You may as well take your time with it.
No sense rushing into harm.
Meanwhile my cane swings up and ready,
quite a greeting you'll get,
One tumbles down ; six more to go
for a night you won't forget!